


I'm Not Proud of Me

by HockeyShit



Series: I Wish it Were Easier [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: angst pt. two, past William Nylander/ David pastrnak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 12:17:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10944348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HockeyShit/pseuds/HockeyShit
Summary: You wanna come and stay hereAnd depending on the day, I want to let you inBut I know me, I know meI'm scared I'll just wake up and want you gone again





	I'm Not Proud of Me

**Author's Note:**

> "song fics are-" yes we already addresed this in the first part.  
> You don't have to read that part to get this part but they go togeather nicely if I do say so my self.  
> this is also averyconfusedwriter's fault.  
> Title, summary and Lyrics rom Penny & Sparrow's "Rattle"

**_I'm no good at waiting_ ** ****_  
_ **_On any kind of talk at all from you to me each day_ ** ****_  
_ **_And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_I never can quite seem to pull my weight_**

Breaking up with David was one of the hardest things William had ever done. He was in love, but David was right, they were going to have to focus on hockey. They would be far apart, they would have incompatible schedules. It made sense but that didn’t mean it was easy

Dating Kasperi should have been one of the easiest things William had ever done. They were lighting up the A, they were going to make the show soon, they could feel it. And they were in love, William could see it in Kasperi’s eyes, they were in love.

**_I don't want to rattle_ ** ****_  
_ **_And I've got no plans to let myself be tossed away_ ** ****_  
_ **_But this muscle, all this muscle_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_Could never lift a thing without you anyway_**

Keeping up with David was easier than William had ever expected they were always texting and Skyping when he wasn’t out with Kappy. Hockey was easier, far easier than any of them had expected but they didn’t plan on telling anyone that. Watching Pasta take on the NHL for his second year was exciting. Kasperi was always a good sport sitting with William to watch the few Boston games they could catch. It was one of William’s favorite things to do, watch his best friend play hockey while his boyfriend was at his side.

**_And you have me, you have me, you have me only_ ** **_  
_ ** **_When I keep, when I keep, when I keep listening_ **

William wasn’t sure when he noticed. He had always known Kasperi was in love with him. But he didn’t know when he fell out of love. Kasperi was his best friend in Toronto, they lived together, ate together, they did everything together and William didn’t want to change that. But he knew  he didn’t look at Kappy the same way Kappy looked at him.

**_You wanna come and stay here_ ** ****_  
_ **_And depending on the day, I want to let you in_ ** ****_  
_ **_But I know me, I know me_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_I'm scared I'll just wake up and want you gone again_**

Some nights were harder than others. William could remember falling asleep with David how they just seemed to fit together. It was these nights that William would tell himself if he if he just tried a little harder to get over David he could. If he just let Kasperi hold him tighter, if they just went out on one more date, said ‘I love you’ one more time it would be okay.

**_'Cause I'm not proud, I'm not proud, I'm not proud of me_ **

**_So how could you, how could you, how could you ever be?_ ** ****_  
_ **_Well I'm not proud, I'm not proud, I'm not proud of me_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_So how could you, how could you, how could you ever be?_**

William finally knew what David was feeling, when he sat William down to talk about breaking up. But Will couldn’t help but assume this was worse. How was he supposed to tell Kasperi that he never had gotten over David. That this whole time, in some part of William’s brain he imagined Kasperi was David. He knew this whole time that if he just told David how much he loved him, missed him, they’d find a way to make that work. He just wished he could do it without having to see the heart break on Kasperi’s face. He knew then, they hadn’t ever been in love, it was always just Kasperi.

**_I'm going to work on waiting_ ** ****_  
_ **_If it's true you want to say you love me every day_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_And I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize you've always felt that way_**


End file.
